I know this blog is for writing in after making decisions, but seeing I haven't yet made any, it remains empty. That is why I've decided that for the next half an hour I shall try to use THIS writing process to help me come to a decision. I thought this may be a nice place to summarise thoughts, and hopefully relieve the conceptual confusion currently overtaking my brain. If this is inappropriate content for my blog (I hate the term, by the way), then tell me and I'll remove this entry. It's 1136 am by my time, so let's go.
I am growing increasingly agitated by my ideas. I originally felt that I needed to expand my ideas. As in, I needed to make them less personal and purposefully symbol filled and more universal and provoking. Less literal and more visual. That's an important goal for me. But I think somehow, subconsciously, my mind decided that the best way to reflect this in my new ideas is to make them entirely bland and representative of someone elses theories. Without any personal feel, and yes, still literal. So now everything I have on paper, while visually 'okay', is not mine. It annoys me. I take myself as an honest person, perhaps sometimes a bit brash. But that is what I am, and I cannot simply produce something that is purely a visual representation of an ideal that was invented decades ago, by someone else - done with symbols determined for me by coloursymbolz.com or mandelazrkewl.com...or something like that. So that's issue number one.
For some bizarre reason, I'm very much interested in the idea of The Imaginary Friend. In the most basic sense, it conjures images that I love. That of psychotic men, pillows, child like disposition, introversion. I also feel that perhaps it could be the most legitimate subject for me to study in art, as it is such a significant theme/topic to me. No, I never really had an imaginary friend. Not when I was a child. Not a pony or goose or swan. But yet I feel that my internal dialogue, which has been very significant to me throughout my life, functions as a imaginary creature would to a child. It is compensatory, I can admit that. I suppose then, that you could attribute my demented teenaged whole to the current union of my physical thinking self with my odd but wholly loving internal dialogue. Am I making sense? In other words, my inner voice (often materialised in pillows) is my imaginary girlfriend, or boyfriend, if the thought of the former disturbs you. Oh dear, what narcissism.
I guess it does relate to some metaphor of alchemy. Where these two halves make a whole, however deranged. Or perhaps it could be a reflection of how a lack of balance...I don't know. I suppose I don't have to view this combination as something bad, something that defies what is meant to be. It doesn't feel good, but I don't feel the need to go along a different path towards wholeness either. Do I really have to make a statement? Can I not just present the state as it is to the best of my ability? Capture this state? Reveal it? But then how would it truly link to alchemy? - I couldn't just call it, say, Cheralyn's demented version of alchemy. How would it not turn into a self portrait?
I've already attempted to explore, and therefore clarify, this topic in my previous assessment pieces. However, I don't feel like any of the work I've made truly justifies this 'thing'. It is too large, to great a part of me to be embodied in what I've already done.
It's 1211pm, and that's all I have so far.
So help me! If you may.
I am growing increasingly agitated by my ideas. I originally felt that I needed to expand my ideas. As in, I needed to make them less personal and purposefully symbol filled and more universal and provoking. Less literal and more visual. That's an important goal for me. But I think somehow, subconsciously, my mind decided that the best way to reflect this in my new ideas is to make them entirely bland and representative of someone elses theories. Without any personal feel, and yes, still literal. So now everything I have on paper, while visually 'okay', is not mine. It annoys me. I take myself as an honest person, perhaps sometimes a bit brash. But that is what I am, and I cannot simply produce something that is purely a visual representation of an ideal that was invented decades ago, by someone else - done with symbols determined for me by coloursymbolz.com or mandelazrkewl.com...or something like that. So that's issue number one.
For some bizarre reason, I'm very much interested in the idea of The Imaginary Friend. In the most basic sense, it conjures images that I love. That of psychotic men, pillows, child like disposition, introversion. I also feel that perhaps it could be the most legitimate subject for me to study in art, as it is such a significant theme/topic to me. No, I never really had an imaginary friend. Not when I was a child. Not a pony or goose or swan. But yet I feel that my internal dialogue, which has been very significant to me throughout my life, functions as a imaginary creature would to a child. It is compensatory, I can admit that. I suppose then, that you could attribute my demented teenaged whole to the current union of my physical thinking self with my odd but wholly loving internal dialogue. Am I making sense? In other words, my inner voice (often materialised in pillows) is my imaginary girlfriend, or boyfriend, if the thought of the former disturbs you. Oh dear, what narcissism.
I guess it does relate to some metaphor of alchemy. Where these two halves make a whole, however deranged. Or perhaps it could be a reflection of how a lack of balance...I don't know. I suppose I don't have to view this combination as something bad, something that defies what is meant to be. It doesn't feel good, but I don't feel the need to go along a different path towards wholeness either. Do I really have to make a statement? Can I not just present the state as it is to the best of my ability? Capture this state? Reveal it? But then how would it truly link to alchemy? - I couldn't just call it, say, Cheralyn's demented version of alchemy. How would it not turn into a self portrait?
I've already attempted to explore, and therefore clarify, this topic in my previous assessment pieces. However, I don't feel like any of the work I've made truly justifies this 'thing'. It is too large, to great a part of me to be embodied in what I've already done.
It's 1211pm, and that's all I have so far.
So help me! If you may.
2 comments:
I like the imaginary friend / compensatory-figure idea Cheralyn. And it does fit with the concept.How do you visualise this IF?
ms h
Hey, Cheralyn.
You can make something both personal and universal at the same time. There are a lot of other people in the world, I'm sure a few could relate. Like, I have no doubt that your feelings have been felt by at least one other person at one stage or another. Remember, it's not you and the world. You're part of the world. Don't try to make something that 'the world' can relate to because, like I said, you're part of it. The world will feel what you feel because you are it.
Get me?
Post a Comment